|
101 Reasons Why You Should Go To Sleep
|
|
1 |
People don't like other people with bags under
their eyes. |
|
2 |
You have been up too long. |
|
3 |
Penile dysfunction may occur without sleep,
somebody told me that once. |
|
5 |
Remember that time when it was Christmas
and you were sleeping next to the tree at your relatives house. And suddenly
you woke up. But you awoke to the worst sight in the world. Your father
hovering directly above your head. Placing presents under the tree, one leg
on each side of your head. Wearing only briefs. ( ok, at least I remember )
|
|
6 |
The lady at the counter has been asked not
to give you anymore "No-Doz". |
|
7 |
You owe me money. ( when your are
unconscious, I'll be paid ) |
|
8 |
You are guaranteed wet dreams tonight. |
|
9 |
"You lose a half an hour a night over the
course of a month, and this will slowly pile up... As far as we know, all
lost sleep accumulates as a debt." - Dr. Dale Edgar |
|
|
10 |
Those who sleep fewer than six hours a
night don't live as long as those who sleep seven hours or more. |
|
11 |
The National Commission on Sleep Disorders
estimates that sleep deprivation costs $150 billion a year in higher stress
and reduced workplace productivity. |
|
12 |
Your bed is warm and comfortable. |
|
13 |
You haven't wet the bed in years. |
|
14 |
You are staying up too late on the
internet. |
|
15 |
The sheep are waiting. |
|
16 |
You can make a top 101 list while you are
laying there. |
|
17 |
You can pray. ( if you like to pray) |
|
18 |
You can prey. ( think of somebody you would
like to eat ) |
|
19 |
You can think of other two words that
rhyme. |
|
20 |
Ducks like to sleep |
|
21 |
It's always safe under your covers. |
|
22 |
You can get rid of that horrible mental
image you have... You know the one that has haunted you for a good while
now. |
|
23 |
You won't have to visit your aunt. |
|
24 |
If your significant other has came to spend
the night... |
|
25 |
You can dream about your future significant
other. |
|
26 |
Humping. |
|
27 |
Vaseline. |
|
28 |
Your bed is your personal utopia.
|
|
29 |
Insomnia?... Go to sleep and forget about
it. |
|
30 |
Your boss doesn't pay for your insomnia. |
|
31 |
You don't want to end up like Woody Allen. |
|
32 |
You don't want to end up like George W.
Bush. |
|
33 |
You don't want to end up like Steve
Buschemi. |
|
34 |
You don't want to end up like Richard
Nixon. |
|
35 |
You don't want to end up like Me. |
|
36 |
It is nighttime. |
|
37 |
Lack of sleep is a sign of depression. |
|
38 |
63% of adults do not get enough sleep |
|
39 |
I bet you that, you can't sleep. |
|
40 |
Don't you have to be up early tomorrow? |
|
41 |
Wiggling your toes is supposed to help you
sleep. You can test this theory. |
|
42 |
The meaning of life. (well at least a good
part of it) |
|
43 |
Sleep deprivation has a wide range of
effects including neurobehavioral and cognitive degradations. |
|
44 |
You don't need to be awake anymore |
|
45 |
Sleeping may help prevent Diabetes. |
|
46 |
Sleeping may help prevent nighttime
heartburn. |
|
47 |
Sleeping may help prevent hyper tension. |
|
48 |
Sleeping may help prevent heart disease.
|
|
49 |
You can have that one dream... You know
which one... the one where you're in Disneyland and that one guy from "The
Facts of Life," not the main guy but that one guy that played the bit part
of one of the kids down the street, walks up to you and tells you that "you
should run away quickly." But, when you turn around to heed his advice a
small wooden puppet version of Ed McMahn is screaming at you. Telling you that you
have won "The Publishers Clearing House" not the grand prize, but the
semi-non important prize, a discount to your favorite magazine. And you
realize that you have just ordered the magazine a few days ago, so, the
discount doesn't do you any good. Then you wake up... But right when you
wake up you realize, hovering just above your bed is a man dressed in a
civil war uniform, without a head moaning as you touch his red woolen coat.
|
|
50 |
So that you don't have number 49 happen to
you. |
|
51 |
At least you don't have to work the
graveyard shift. |
|
52 |
You can sleep so that the man working a
graveyard shift is envious of you. |
|
53 |
You can go to sleep to make the man who
doesn't own a bed envious of you. |
|
54 |
So you don't have to finish reading this
101 list. |
|
55 |
Lack of sleep may lead to reduction of
alertness. |
|
56 |
Lack of sleep may shorten your attention
span. |
|
57 |
Lack of sleep may slow down your cognitive
abilities |
|
58 |
Lack of sleep may weaken your memory. |
|
59 |
Lack of sleep may increase human error. |
|
60 |
Lack of sleep may increase your sense of
humor. (You might actually think Carson Daly is funny) |
|
61 |
You work too much. |
|
62 |
You surf the internet too much. |
|
63 |
It will take less time to sleep, than the
time you will have to endure therapy without it. |
|
64 |
You won't have to read number 64 again. |
|
65 |
You still won't have to read number 64
again. |
|
66 |
You will be relaxed in spite of me, having
to write another one of these 101 lists. |
|
67 |
You are tired. |
|
68 |
Somebody in the world is tired and
you don't have to be. |
|
69 |
You won't have to swim in a vat of butter. |
|
70 |
You can dream about swimming in a vat of
butter. |
|
71 |
You can dream about drop kicking your boss
to the eye. |
|
72 |
You can dream about staying awake all
night. |
|
73 |
You realize that sleeping is better then
rubbing your body with hot coals. |
|
74 |
Your bunny rabbit is asleep. Take the cue. |
|
75 |
Celebrate Fatigue. |
|
76 |
You just washed your sheets. |
|
77 |
You have just finished making a glass of
warm milk. |
|
78 |
You have just sang yourself a lullaby. |
|
79 |
You don't live on elm street ( if you do,
stop reading this list and move) |
|
80 |
You can hang out with the girl/guy of your
dreams. |
|
81 |
Celebrate the fact that you don't have to
stand to sleep. |
|
82 |
Video tape yourself and see what you do
while you sleep. |
|
83 |
At least it's better then watching those
infomercials. |
|
84 |
You don't have any money to buy anything on
those infomercials. |
|
85 |
It's getting late. |
|
86 |
Celebrate the fact that you didn't get a
concussion. |
|
87 |
Your bed is soft. |
|
88 |
Your bed is not moist. |
|
89 |
You are no longer moist. |
|
90 |
You really think sleep is a good idea...
Really... |
|
91 |
The tooth fairy will only visit if you are
asleep. |
|
92 |
Sleep doesn't rhyme with awake. |
|
93 |
You realize that awake is a bad idea. |
|
94 |
You can sleep with someone. |
|
95 |
It's the boogieman's off season. |
|
96 |
You are not working. |
|
97 |
Sleep is the lazy mans friend. |
|
98 |
Insomnia is for addicts. |
|
99 |
You don't want to end up like most of the
sellers on ebay. |
|
100 |
Even God needed a rest. |
|
101 |
You have just finished reading 101 reasons
why you need to sleep, you need a break. |
