12-31-02

Begin the preaching's
of Cameron:

There was once a theory on existence.  That we simply exist. 

And so begin

12-23-02

Who Knows? Miah knows!

Dear Miah, What was the greatest football game ever played? Sincerely: Robert

That distinction belongs to...

12-21-02

White Christmas?

Dear Miah, How Cold does it have to be to snow? Sincerely: Celina

The simple answer:

12-19-02

12-15-02

Burning Death Comes for us All

"There appeared a chariot of fire, and horses of fire, and parted them both asunder; and Elijah went up by a whirlwind into heaven." -Second book of Kings 2:11

Shooting off the highway exit at high speed, moving to shift down to fourth but finding second was the only available gear-but have to keep moving forward, like a shark- to stop would mean death in this upstream of vicious backwater drivers-The engine is grinding and whirring madly as I corner the next street, I see the gas station ahead but then the front of the great gray beast explodes in a mad fireball, blinding me for a second in a burst of evil white heat-At the last second I swerve sharply into the gas station, violently kick at my door which won't open, seared closed by the heat-I pull the emergency break which is somehow working and the thing hiccups forward for a second-I hammer kick the door again and this time it gives and I'm out and standing in the cool, winter air of this desert, watching the ugly thing burn-The attendant runs out in panic "Should I call 911?" "They already know all about this-Just let it burn itself out- He's strapped in tight but we have to be sure he's not getting out." I give him a knowing look but he nervously backs away "Don't worry," I yell after him "he was anti-war, a communist, pure scum"- I light a cigar in the fires and collect call my editor- He's there soon in his high speed highlighter of a car, no questions, just an full-throttle getaway to an exclusive screening of Citizen Kane-My head out the window, cigar clamped in my jaws, I howl like a mad wolf at the piss yellow moon and turning to my editor with a mad grin I scream "Viva Fidel!" and we are gone into the dark and hungry night.

Dr.Shin shot a man in Reno just to watch him die. E-mail the Mad Doctor at drshin@emptyv.org with interesting news items, personal horror stories or hate mail. He's out of rehab now and piss-drunk.

12-10-02

The Law at Work(?)

Bowers v. Harwick, 1986

            Harwick, a bartender at a gay bar in Atlanta, Georgia, stumbled into the street after a particularly profitable night, drinking as he made his way home. Unfortunately, he ran into two police officers who charged him with possessing an open container in public.

A time was set for a hearing on his case.

            The time came and, as a sign of civil disobedience, Harwick refused to show at his hearing. A warrant was issued for his arrest and officers were dispatched to his house. Upon arrival, an unknowing roommate allowed the officers access to Harwick’s home.

They came to Harwick’s room and found him engaged in consensual sex with another man. They arrested him on sodomy charges.

            The charges were brought to the District Attorney. This man dropped them; the law was rarely enforced. Suffering from a severe case of righteous self-indignation, though, Harwick wished to pursue the charges and punish the state for its clearly unconstitutional law. To his dismay, he lost the initial trial. But his appeal was considerably more successful and the charges were dropped. Then, the state appealed.

            In 1986, the case was brought before the Supreme Court. In a narrow 5-4 ruling, the court ruled that the law was not unconstitutional. There was nothing in the Constitution to extend the right to engage in consensual sodomy to homosexuals.

Harwick was sentenced to life in prison.

            You find the moral…

Do you have a burning or bizarre question for the World's Smartest Man? Click here!

12-06-02

Old Man Still Alive!

With "the pod"

"I guess it's just keepin' regular what does it. That and the secrets that the space people told me."

"Keepin' regular" means waking at five AM, feeding the emus and bobcats he keeps around the farm, then getting drunk and flirting with the waitresses at the local diner. He spends his evenings polishing and oiling the small spacecraft that he keeps in his barn.

"One day they'll be comin' back fer it and I ain't gonna see it rusted none."

 questions, comments, hate mail? drshin@emptyv.org

12-03-02

Dear Miah...

"My best friend says I'm attractive (wink)."

I have been looking for a meaningful relationship for a very long time. I have been to several bars and have always ended up going home empty handed. My best friend who is female says that I am very attractive. But, I have been very interested in her for a very long time. Every time I try to advance my relationship with her, she begins to act weird. Once she told me "I was not her type." I don't get how she can say that I'm attractive and not be interested with me. Sincerely: Cupid-Stupid 

I am going to make some assumptions... (cont.)

Do you have a burning or bizarre question for the World's Smartest Man? Click here!

12-01-02

We are all screwed.

"I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked..."                    -Allen Ginsberg, Howl

Pulling a u-turn against the light going 63 miles an hour with the World’s Smartest Man slumped in the passenger side seat, cradling a bottle of something brown and smelly… 

We shot down the street in the midst of blaring horns and screeching brakes, all of which was drowned out by my blown speakers playing Jimi Hendrix’s “Voodoo Chile” at full crackling volume, I desperately tried to keep a decent grip on the wheel which seemed to be sliding about like a fresh caught mackerel in it's death throes. Hearing the piercing sound of a siren somewhere behind us, I took evasive maneuvers and spun the wheel to the left, skipped the median on two wheels, twisted the car around and shot back in the direction we came. The Genius beside me began to holler something I couldn't quite make out.

“What?!”

“Sammiches, goddammit!” he screamed again, this time punctuating his statement by beating the bottle against the dashboard. On the last syllable it exploded into a hail of glass. My glove box popped open and a rain of speeding tickets slapped me in the face on their way out the shattered windows.

“Damn it you fool! If they catch us it’s a lifetime of sodomy and chickenbone shanks!”

He eyed me suspiciously then stuck his head and shoulders out the window and screamed at the top of his lungs.

“You all get what you deserve!”   And we do, we do.

 questions, comments, hate mail? drshin@emptyv.org