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04-16-03 |
A Plastic Container Full of Mucus: The Emptyv News Brief |
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“The only difference between me and a madman is that
I'm not mad.” “Where do I find a CD store around here?” he hollered from his SUV, behind the blackness of his designer ski sunglasses. “We’re
from out of town…” Miah said, bleary, teetering on the curbside. I
almost knocked him into the street as I bungled up behind him. “Just answer the question!” We both stared blankly back at him.
Christ! What the hell do you do with these kind of people? I swiveled
around, grabbed Miah’s arm and we started back across the street. “Answer me!” The man yelled before being honked into
moving along. I looked over my shoulder and saw him glaring after us. Does this kind of thing never end?
Only yesterday, a man wearing an Easter bunny costume was clamped in a
half nelson and pummeled in the teeth by a complete stranger who ran off
laughing. What’s worse, somebody in England
just put germs up for sale. Oh, don’t worry, nothing serious. Just a
little flu. Or more accurately Paul McCartney’s flu (secondhand). The man
selling this priceless item is Ian Mears, who apparently spent some
quality time with the star earlier this month… and caught his disease. "I
believe this is the same strain of flu, and effectively his virus,"
Mears told the press Wednesday. "I had no cold on the Saturday, then
on Sunday I spent most of the afternoon with Paul and by Tuesday I too
had a cold." With such hard facts in hand, the bidding war reached a
fever pitch as prices soared to a pound and twenty pence.
Those lucky few will
“receive a resalable bag that I will cough into.”
“Or if preferred, they can have a plastic container full
of mucus." We
should all be so lucky. -All the people and events in this article are true. Names have not been changed to protect the guilty. Dr. Shin wants to be your neighbor. |
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