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The Worlds Smartest Man, answers all of your
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Since August 30, 2002 |
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The Month of November back in 2002 |
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11-23-02 |
What do it mean to be
alive? |
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What does it mean
to be alive?
To sit and work and eat and buy things.
To pretend that it’s like that forever.
Up until that moment when it happens.
And then we are real...
Click here to read rest of article. |
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11-22-02 |
Popeye:
Sailor Man |
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Wimpy: "died
alone on the crapper. Fat bastard."
Olive: "her
bulemia was out of control". |
"I Yam What I Yam." (ugly)
with co-star
Boop in better days
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11-21-02 |
Smartest
Man In The Pits |
"Aaahhh!" |
"Dear Miah, The Smartest Man
Alive": during a recent bath I considered shaving my armpits.
The hair had grown long and often lumped together when deodorant
was applied, white clumps mixed with brown strands. (Despite what Arm
& Hammer says, its roll-on does not go on clear but, if it can mask
the smell of rotten milk, liquid lettuce and moldy mayonnaise, it can
work for me.) Ultimately, I decided against shaving the pits, at least
until I had found reason to do otherwise."
-Name Withheld
Well, Thus the search began for
the truth behind armpit hair!
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11-20-02 |
News Desk Headlines |
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"I am so wasted!" |
The News Desk has been relocated to my
windowless cell at the Ratchet Rehab Center, though it's not so much a
desk any more as it is a stub of crayon and a roll of toilet paper. But
in any case, in the little time I have before my ice-water hose down, I
bring you the headlines.
Dateline-London- Prince Charles has
been crowned "Beer Drinker of the Year" by a committee of MPs
for his efforts to save rural pubs. The title was bestowed by the
all-party Parliamentary Beer Group for Charles's efforts in his "Pub
is the Hub" campaign. The campaign promotes the pub as the center of
village life and cornerstone of the local community. The group awards the
title to the public figure who has done the most to promote beer in the
previous year.
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11-18-02 |
Miah Knows Everything! |
 "aawwww shiiit!" -Dr.Phil
McGraw upon discovering Miah will be the new competition. |
Since having been acquired by emptyv.org,
Miah has done absolutely nothing! (See 101 reasons
that you are a dork for previous work). Now the executives at emptyv.org
have mandated THE SMARTEST MAN ALIVE! to hand out pseudo-professional
advice to all in need! Problems at work? At home? In the bedroom? Ask
Miah!! (he knows everything.. look at the size of his bloody head!) miah@emptyv.org
Also today-Dan and Miah ordered pizza
and chicken wings, Dr. Shin was checked back into rehab, Cameron was seen
taking a long walk with his ego, and neither Edge nor Hilly could be
found (the boy scouts of America won't return our calls). Oooh, and did
you guys hear about Ben and J-Lo?
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11-16-02 |
The Buck Stopped
Here |
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 Waking up underneath a
junk car this morning and dusting the leaves and broken beer bottles from
myself, I had no idea where I was. Or how I'd gotten there. Of course,
this is not unusual. But slowly, dark and horrible memories began to
creep from the nether regions of my pickled brains. I headed to a nearby
phone booth and, after dragging out the dead hobo already in there,
placed a collect call to my editor at the Emptyv Offices. I explained the
circumstances and then began, as usual, to demand money. And the vicious
little snot said I couldn't get any more money out of him until I wrote
another article. I told him that journalism was the worst kind of
prostitution and that if he didn't wire me some goddamned cash by Monday
morning then I'd more than likely have my kneecaps hammerkicked by a
dog-faced Russian. He replied that he could give a rats ass about that
and that in fact I owed him fifty dollars. After threats were
passed from both sides, we came to an agreement. Then I went and had
eggs, sausage, and vodka at Jerry's Diner. -Dr.Shin,
somewhere in Ohio or Oregon.
questions,
comments, hate mail? drshin@emptyv.org
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11-14-02 |
Hardcore
Noir |
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Shooting, reshooting, multiple setbacks,
bad weather and a dead cameraman... and we now have a five minute super 8mm
black and white film. |
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